QUOTES.BBS pointer file reset to the beginning... Is a computer language with GOTO's totally Wirth-less? He who hesitates is last. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Shift to the left, shift to the right, mask in, mask out... BYTE, BYTE, BYTE! People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues. A man's best friend is his dogma. A penny saved is ridiculous. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. While money can't buy happiness it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. Three women can keep a secret, if two are dead. You ain't learning nothing when you're talking. Celibacy is NOT hereditary. Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid. Open it and you remove all doubt. Teamwork is vital!! (It gives you someone to blame.) If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane! Documentation is the castor oil of programming ... Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much. The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of it's capacity; the rest is overhead for the operating system. Recursive, adj.; see Recursive An expert is someone from out of town. Experience varies directly with the amount of equipment ruined. In computer programming, the one language all programmers know best is profanity. No experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always serve as a negative example. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Two can live as cheaply as one - for half as long. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs. Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs. Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career. Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. The devil finds work for idle glands. A friend in need is a pest indeed. Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains. You can fool some of the people all of the time... and all of the people some of the time... but you can make a fool of yourself anytime. No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck. A closed mouth gathers no feet. Nothing is lost until you begin to look for it. The 90/90 Law of Work Schedules: The first 90% of a job takes the first 90% of the time; the last 10% of a job takes the last 90% of the time. Every good idea has disadvantages equal to or greater than it's advantages. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. -- Paul Fix Only the mediocre are always at their best. -- Jean Giraudoux (1882-1944) He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met. -- Abraham Lincoln The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. -- Mark Twain The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency. -- Eugene McCarthy One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. -- Bertrand Russell Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you WILL BE FIRED with enthusiasm. -- Vince Lombardi ALLEN'S AXIOM: When all else fails, read the instructions Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- RUSSELL BAKER When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut. -- HENRY FONDA What's worth doing is worth doing for money. -- JOSEPH DONOHUE Smoking is punishable by death. -- American Cancer Society slogan Nothing is ever as simple as you first think. -- WILKES' WISDOM A consultant is a person who makes more money than you do to tell you how to save money with your computer. Documentation: Instructions which come with hardware or software and explain how much more money you will have to spend to get your computer to do what you wish. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. -- NIELS BOHR Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORACLE BRODER'S LAW -- Anyone who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office. YOGI BERRA'S LAWS -- It's not over until it's over. You can observe a lot just by watching. HALDANE'S LAW -- The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. KAFKA'S LAW -- In the fight between you and the world, back the world. KRISTOL'S LAW -- Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want. McCARTHY'S LAW OF INTELLIGENCE -- Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important. The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. -- H P LOVECRAFT Take what you can use and let the rest go by. -- KEN KESEY When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. -- MAE WEST If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better. -- KARL MARX'S MOTHER Anything anybody can say about America is true. -- EMMETT GROGAN Use it up ... Wear it out. Make it do ... Or do without. -- U.S. WORLD WAR II MESSAGE Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. -- ARTHUR C CLARKE Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic. -- ARTHUR C CLARKE Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. -- GROUCHO MARX Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. -- PETER DRUCKER I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. -- OSCAR WILDE We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- OSCAR WILDE The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong - but that's the way to bet. -- DAMON RUNYON Real wealth can only increase. -- R BUCKMINSTER FULLER Anyone can hate. It costs to love. -- JOHN WILLIAMSON In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. -- JOHN LILLY The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. -- ALBERT EINSTEIN Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. -- TALLULAH BANKHEAD Don't lose Your head To gain a minute You need your head Your brains are in it. -- BURMA SHAVE Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is. -- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. -- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem. -- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction. -- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me. -- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. -- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. -- OSCAR WILDE If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. -- STANLEY GARN We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it. -- DWIGHT D EISENHOWER If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitable. -- JOHN F KENNEDY It takes a long time to understand nothing. -- EDWARD DAHLBERG The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out. -- TENESSEE WILLIAMS All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas. -- KINGFISH He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. -- M C ESCHER Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences: - If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set. Laws of Computer Programming (1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete. (2) Any given program costs more and takes longer. (3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. (4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. -- PAUL ERLICH If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. -- ALBERT EINSTEIN Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damn near zero. -- DAVID ELLIS The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. -- J PAUL GETTY It's hard to remember that your initial mission was to drain the swamp when you're up to your ass in alligators. Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. -- ABRAHAM KAPLAN The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems. -- ROGER LEVIAN Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked. -- ROBERT D SPRECHT (RAND CORP) Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. Zimmerman's Law of Complaints: Nobody notices when things go right. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. -- CONFUCIUS Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein. -- BOOK OF PROVERBS The unnatural, that too is natural. -- GOETHE 'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability. -- GEORGE BERNARD SHAW Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof -- ASHLEY MONTAGUE Make no little plans. They have no Magic to stir Men's blood. -- D. B. HUDSON Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee... that will do them in. Civilization Law #1: Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations one can do without thinking about them. Ketterling's Law: Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence. "Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B', 'A' is most likely a scoundrel" -- H. L. Mencken In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty. -- Thomas Jefferson We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately. -- Benjamin Franklin Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried. -- Thomas Jefferson An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. -- Camus The Swartzberg Test: The validity of a science is its ability to predict. You don't have to explain something you never said. -- Calvin Coolidge A little caution outflanks a large cavalry. -- Bismarck I like a man who grins when he fights. -- Winston Churchill There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true. -- Winston Churchill Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on... -- Winston Churchill Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die. -- John W. Campbell That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest. -- Thoreau Life is not one thing after another.... it's the same damn thing over and over! The meek will inherit the Earth.... The rest of us will go to the stars. After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done. Beauty is only skin deep, but Ugly goes straight to the bone. Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought. -- Albert Szent-Gyorgi I really hate this damn machine, I wish that they would sell it. It never does just what I want, But only what I tell it. Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels. -- Goya Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. -- Gordon R. Dickson Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor. -- Arnold Toynbee If it ain't broke, don't fix it. -- Bert Lantz God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. -- Voltaire Ode to Turbulent Flow: Big whirls have little whirls Which feed on their velocity, And little whirls have lesser whirls And so on, to viscosity. MURPHY'S LAW -- Probability is inversely proportional to desirability. There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. -- Heisenbeg "Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!" -- Ben Jonson You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. A specialist is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. HELLER'S LAW -- The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in a honest day's work. Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works. SHAW'S PRINCIPLE -- Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management. GILB'S LAWS OF UNRELIABILITY -- At the source of every error which is blamed on a computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. NIXON'S THEOREM -- The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it all on. In any given human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. WEINBERG'S LAW -- An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy. ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEM DYNAMICS -- Once you open a can of worms, the only way to contain the situation is with a larger can. And God created the Organization and gave it dominion over man. Genesis 1, 30A, Subparagraph VIII. -- (as quoted by R. Townsend, "Further Up the Organization") Beware the boss who walks on water and never makes a mistake. Save yourself a lot of grief and seek employment elsewhere. -- R. Townsend, "Further Up the Organization" I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization. -- Petronius Arbiter (circa A.D. 60) To lead the people, walk behind them. -- Lao-Tzu The history of free men is never written by chance but by choice - their choice. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower Accomplishment will prove to be a journey, not a destination. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower I'd rather give my life than be afraid to give it. -- Lyndon B. Johnson Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing. -- Bernard Baruch He who slings mud generally loses ground. -- Adlai Stevenson You don't set a fox to watching chickens just because he has a lot of experience in the hen house. -- Harry Truman (on Vice President Nixon's candidacy for the presidency) It may be true that the law can not make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important... -- Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. A good manager is a man who isn't worried about his own career but rather the careers of those who work for him. My advice: Don't worry about yourself. Take care of those who work for you and you'll float to greatness on their achievements. -- H. S. M. Burns (President of Shell Oil) The leader must know, must know that he knows, and must be able to make it abundantly clear to those about him that he knows. -- Clarence B. Randall A degree is not an education, and the confusion on this point is perhaps the gravest weakness in American thinking about education. -- The Rockefeller Panel Reports The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions which time and mediocrity can resolve. -- H. R. Trevor-Roper I feel that the greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more. -- Dr. Jonas Salk The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more destructive and more constructive, a lot madder and a lot saner, than the average person. -- Dr. Frank Barron Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. -- Dr. William Dement Atoms for peace. Man is still the greatest miracle and the greatest problem on this earth. (1st message sent by energy developed by atomic energy) -- Brig. General David Sarnoff The presence of humans, in a system containing high-speed electronic computers and high-speed, accurate communications, is quite inhibiting. Every means possible should be employed to eliminate humans in the data-processing chain. -- Stuart Luman Seaton, Engineering Consultant, 1958 Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. -- Maurice Chevalier No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it. -- Henry Ford America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. -- Arnold Toynbee The bird of happiness alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. -- John Berry I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. -- Winston Churchill Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. -- Maurice Chevalier Those who create are rare: those who cannot are numerous. Therefore, the latter are stronger. -- Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel Glory gives herself only to those who have always dreamed of her. -- Charles DeGaulle Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. -- Robert Frost The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. -- Robert Frost When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. -- Eric Hoffer Wisdom consists not so much in knowing what to do in the ultimate as in knowing what to do next. -- Herbert Hoover Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier. -- Charles Kettering Happiness doesn't come from doing what we like to do but from liking what we have to do. -- Wilfred Peterson In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning. -- Carl Sandberg Let the meek inherit the earth - they have it coming to them. -- James Thurber We have been God-like in our planned breeding of our domesticated plants and animals, but we have been rabbit-like in our unplanned breeding of ourselves. -- Arnold Toynbee Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. -- Alan Watts Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity and importance of the question. -- Tennessee Williams There aren't any embarrassing questions - just embarrassing answers. -- Carl Rowan Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth. -- Pablo Picasso I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Pogo A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking. -- Earl Wilson Few great men could pass Personnel. -- Paul Goodman There are an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. -- Peter Drucker To succeed it is necessary to accept the world as it is and rise above it. -- Michael Korda Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity - but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money. -- Earl Wilson A genius is one who can do anything except make a living. -- Joey Adams The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. -- Robert Frost Consultant: any ordinary guy fifty miles from home. -- Eric Sevareid Consultants are people who borrow your watch to tell you what time it is and then walk off with the watch. -- Robert Townsend A sharp knife cuts the quickest and hurts the least. -- Katherine Hepburn What we will have attained when Neil Armstrong steps down on the moon is a completely new step in the evolution of man. -- Wernher Von Braun The only way to define the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. -- Arthur C. Clarke There is a single light of science, and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere. -- Isaac Asimov Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. -- Carl Sagan We are all on a spaceship and that spaceship is earth. Four billion passengers -- and no skippers. -- Wernher Von Braun A great many people think that they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. -- Edward R. Murrow We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon. -- Konrad Adenauer The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars. -- General William Westmoreland A man's home is his hassle. -- Paul D. Arnold Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans. -- Betty Talmadge He who does not enjoy his own company is usually right. -- Coco Chanel A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. -- James Reston Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't. -- Earl Wilson Don't judge me by what you've heard about me, judge me by what I do. -- Rupert Murdoch Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, its hard to get it back in! -- H. R. Haldeman Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly. -- Edward Albee If you don't run your own life, somebody else will. -- John Atkinson It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution. -- Alvin Toffler You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. -- Bob Hope Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and some times you weep. -- Carl Sandburg Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- Earl Wilson I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time. -- Charlie Brown Looking back, my life seems like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle. -- Jack Parr People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. -- Abigail Van Buren Humor is just another defense against the universe. -- Mel Brooks Man in the twentieth century has been cut adrift in a rudderless boat on an uncharted sea. -- Stanley Kubrick The very meaningless of life forces a man to create his own meaning. -- Stanley Kubrick Boredom is the midwife of creativity. -- Talia Shire Once in a man's life, for one mortal moment, he must make a grab for immortality; if not, he has not lived. -- Sylvester Stallone New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian. -- Russell Baker Pollution is nothing but resources we're not harvesting. -- R. Buckminster Fuller Evolution has her own accounting system and that's the only one that matters. -- R. Buckminster Fuller Time is not the fourth dimension, and should not be so identified. Time is only a relative observation. -- R. Buckminster Fuller Humanity is acquiring the right technology for all the wrong reasons. -- R. Buckminster Fuller Every mystery solved brings us to the threshold of a greater one. -- Rachel Carson What we call progress is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance. -- Havelock Ellis It's easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one's neighbor. -- Eric Hoffer The most distinguished hallmark of the American society is and always has been -- change. -- Eric Sevareid Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him. -- Aldous Huxley The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. -- Woody Allen A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip. -- Reverend Billy Graham In Maine we have a saying that there's no point in speaking unless you can improve on silence. -- Edmund Muskie Eating words has never given me indigestion. -- Winston Churchill An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity. -- Winston Churchill Idealism is fine; but as it approaches reality, the cost becomes prohibitive. -- William F. Buckley, Jr. When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes. -- Mel Brooks A computer is a telecommunications device first, second, and third. -- Alan Kay Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. COIT-MURPHY'S STATEMENT ON THE POWER OF NEGATIVE THINKING: It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised. DUCHARME'S PRECEPT: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. Don't count your bridges before you burn them. Don't count your boobies before they're hatched. -- James Thurber Don't take life too seriously or you will never get out of it alive. EVANS' AND BJORN'S LAW: No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would. Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. Every purchase has its price. Everything bows to success, even grammar. Experience is directly proportional to computer time wasted. Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. FARNSDICK'S COROLLARY TO THE FIFTH COROLLARY: After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself. GATTUSO'S EXTENSION OF MURPHY'S LAW: Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. GROSSMAN'S MISQUOTE OF H. L. MENCKEN: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers. -- HELLRUNG'S LAW: If you wait, it will go away. -- SHAVELSON'S EXTENSION: . . . having done it's damage. -- GRELB'S ADDITION: If it was bad, it'll be back. Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by anyone, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. Have you ever felt that all the world's a stage and you are the only one in the audience? Did you ever have the feeling that all the world's a tuxedo and you're a pair of brown shoes? -- George Gobel I'm sure that if there were a death penalty more people would be alive today. -- N. Reagan -- IMBESI'S LAW OF THE CONSERVATION OF FILTH: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. -- FREEMAN'S EXTENSION: . . but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean. Idleness is the holiday of fools. If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average. If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing. -- B. Russell If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation. If you continually give you will continually have. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. If you don't try new solutions, then you can expect new evils. If you wake up and find yourself a success, then you haven't been asleep. In a single day, Samson slew a thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Every day, thousands of sales are killed with the same weapon. In any national struggle, the deciding factor is not who is the most competent, but who is less incompetent. It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules our lives. It is better to wear out than to rust out. It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone. Let a fool hold his tongue and the fool will pass for a sage. Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARYANN'S LAW: You can always find what you're not looking for. Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain Long Island has the best politicians money can buy. Matrimony is the root of all evil. Money cannot buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable. Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water. -- W. C. Fields Never say you know someone until you have divided an inheritance. Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. One is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. One who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. He who laughs last didn't get the joke. Polite conversation is seldom either. RUNE'S RULE: If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost. Retirement should be based on the tread, not the mileage. SCNATTERLY'S SUMMING UP OF THE COROLLARIES: If anything can't go wrong, it will. Spilling your guts out is just as charming as it sounds. THE CARDINAL CONUNDRUM: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true. THE THEOREM THEOREM: If if, then then. The most dangerous person in the world is an idealogue with a machine gun. The only thing that endures is change. The plural of spouse is spice. The universe is laughing behind your back. The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure to be thought so. There are no rules of architecture for castles in the sky. To do is to be - Nietzsche To be is to do - Sartre Do be a do-bee - Miss Sally Do be do be do - Sinatra To err is human, but when the eraser wears out before the pencil, you're overdoing it a little. To give happiness is to deserve happiness. To laugh at people of sense is the privilege of fools. To refuse praise is to seek praise twice. War is its own punishment. What orators lack in depth they make up in length. When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them. You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back. Your slogan here. Nice guys finish last. -- Leo Durocher Don't look back. Something may be gaining on you. -- Satchel (Leroy) Paige Its better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. -- James Thurber No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec The computer is no better than its program. -- Elting Elmore Morison, 1966. Technology - the knack of so arranging the world that we don't have to experience it. -- Max Frisch We haven't the time to take our time. -- Eugene Ionesco There comes a time in the affairs of men when you must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. -- W. C. Fields The pace of events is so fast that unless we can find some way to keep our sights on tomorrow, we cannot expect to be in touch with today. -- Dean Rusk A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. -- G. B. Shaw City life: millions of people being lonesome together. -- Henry David Thoreau Today, if you are not confused you are just not thinking clearly. -- Irene Peter Money is round. It rolls away. -- Sholom Aleichem To condemn technology in toto is to forget gardens made green by desalinization of sea water, while to idealize technology is to forget Hiroshima. -- Stuart Chase The path of civilization is paved with tin cans. -- Elbert Hubbard The certainties of one age are the problems of the next. -- R. H. Tawney You can't say civilization doesn't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. -- Will Rogers Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. -- General Omar Bradley This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhibit it. -- Edgar A. Shoaff Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. -- George Santayana Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt. -- H. L. Mencken We have met the enemy and they are us. -- Pogo (Walt Kelly) It is not so important to be serious as it is to be serious about important things. -- Robert M. Hutchins Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds. -- Don Robinson Truly man is king of the beasts for his brutality exceeds theirs. -- Leonardo Da Vinci The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. -- David Russell The control man has secured over nature has far outrun his control over himself. -- Ernest Jones The world is a paradox of technological progressiveness and social primitivism. -- Simon Ramo The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that men may become robots. -- Erich Fromm He who will not reason, is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. -- Sir William Drummond I hold that man is in the right who is most closely in league with the future. -- Henrik Ibsen Talent is what you possess; genius is what possesses you. -- Malcolm Cowley Genius is, as a rule, a response to apparently hostile limitations. -- Robert Lynden Adversity reveals genius; prosperity conceals it. -- Horace Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -- Albert Einstein Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. -- Bernard Berenson When a true genius appears in this world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- J. Swift Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say, why not? -- Robert F. Kennedy Excellence means when a man or woman asks of himself more than others do. -- Ortega y Gasset I start where the last man left off. -- Thomas A. Edison Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed. -- Francis Bacon My country is the world. My countrymen are all mankind. -- William Lloyd Garrison An independent is a person who wants to take the politics out of politics. -- Adlai Stevenson If ignorance paid dividends most Americans could make a fortune out of what they don't know about economics. -- Luther Hodges What is wanted is not the will to believe but the wish to find out, which is the exact opposite. -- Bertrand Russell Now there is one outstandingly important fact regarding Spaceship Earth, and that is that no instruction book came with it. -- R. Buckminster Fuller The perpetual obstacle to human advancement is custom. -- John Stuart Mill Though pride is not a virtue, it is the parent of many virtues. -- J. C. Collins This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one. -- Arthur C. Clarke We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankensteinian logic. -- David Russell Man is a reasoning rather than a reasonable animal. -- Alexander Hamilton Man's burden is himself. -- Maurice Freehill Nature is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere. -- Blaise Pascal Nature never breaks her own laws. -- Leonardo Da Vinci In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are only consequences. -- Robert Ingersoll Civilization is a race between education and catastrophe. -- H. G. Wells All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions. -- Leonardo Da Vinci People should think things out fresh and not just accept conventional terms and the conventional way of doing things. -- R. Buckminster Fuller The principal function of every artist is to make us see the world that was always there but which we were unaware of until he opened our eyes. -- Garrett Hardin Our senses were made for the environment; there is nothing else of which they can be aware. -- Mark Terry The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. -- Eden Phillpotts Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- R. W. Emerson Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. -- Will Rogers To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant. -- Bronson Alcott The proof that man is the noblest of all creatures is that no other creature has ever denied it. -- G. C. Lichtenberg Peace is more difficult than war. It takes two to make a peace and only one to make a war. -- Frank A. Praisal Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming. -- B. C. Forbes A principle is never useful or living or vital until it is embodied in an action. -- Manly Hall Every man is worth just as much as the things are worth about which he busies himself. -- Marcus Aurelius The race advances only by the extra achievements of the individual. You are the individual. -- Charles Towne Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions. -- Edward R. Murrow There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. -- Don Herold A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson A nation without the means of reform is without means of survival. -- Edmund Burke It is a blessed thing that in every age someone has had the individuality enough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions. -- Robert G. Ingersoll Liberty too can corrupt, and absolute liberty can corrupt absolutely. -- Gertrude Himmelfarb We all worry about the population explosion but we don't worry about it at the right time. -- A. Hoppe Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. -- Helen Keller Perfection of means and confusion of ends seem to characterize our age. -- Albert Einstein Life is the process of figuring out things which you are never going to do again. We are here for a good time, not a long time. As long as you cannot forgive the next man for being different, you are still far from the path to wisdom. -- Chinese Wisdom If everybody likes you, you're pretty dull. -- Bette Davis Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. -- William Shakespeare Please all and you will please none. -- Aesop When in doubt, do it. It is easier to get forgiveness later. -- Adm. Grace Hopper (ret.) All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward. -- Ellen Glasgow The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop pedaling. -- Claude Pepper In spite of the high cost of living, it's still popular. -- Kathleen Norris There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness. -- Han Suyin The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. -- Vic Gold Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like to keep in touch. -- Robert Orben Don't find fault. Find a remedy. -- Henry Ford Becoming number one is easier than remaining number one. -- Senator Bill Bradley Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. -- Doug Larson Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. -- FUNNY FUNNY WORLD In matters of principle stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current. -- Thomas Jefferson Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. -- G. B. Stern Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better. -- Albert Camus The trouble with doing something right the first time is that no one appreciates how difficult it was. -- Walt West If God had really intended men to fly, He'd make it easier to get to the airport. -- George Winters Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than you do. -- Raymond Mortimer To get maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake. -- GAZETTE Middle age is when you know all the answers and nobody ever asks you the questions. -- ORBEN'S COMEDY FILLERS Reason deceives us often; conscience never. -- Rousseau If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet. -- Isaac Bashevis Singer The Executive exists to make sensible exceptions to general rules. -- Elting E. Morison A hero is no braver than anyone else; he is only brave five minutes longer. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson The best safety device in a car is a rear-view mirror with a policeman in it. -- Gil Stern In the long run the pessimist may be proved right; but the optimist has a better time on the trip. -- Daniel R. Reardon Crayne's law: All computers wait at the same speed. Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics. I just found the last bug. -- Unanimous Brooks Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. WIEGER'S LAWS OF COMPUTING 7 - Artificial Intelligence is no substitute for the real thing. WIEGER'S LAWS OF COMPUTING 9 - Once you have trapped for all conceivable errors, the users become more creative. WIEGER'S LAWS OF COMPUTING 10 - The current backup copy of anything is always one generation too old. WIEGER'S LAWS OF COMPUTING 12 - An undocumented feature is the moral equivalent of a bug. WIEGER'S LAWS OF COMPUTING 14 - The error number you see when a program crashes is the one that is not described in the manual. Teachers open the door ... you enter by yourself. The wise man hearkens to his mind ... the foolish man to his cronies. If you always give you will always have. A tactless man is one who voices what everybody is thinking. The secret of happiness is to accept the impossible, do without the indispenable, and bear the intolerable. Learning is a treasure no thief can touch. A woman's beauty lasts as long as her disposition stays sweet. Happiness is that peculiar sensation you acquire when you are too busy to be miserable. Any husband who is right had better have an apology ready. The foolish man seeks happiness at a distance; the wise man grows it under his feet. Make somebody happy today -- mind your own business. Happiness is one thing that multiplies by division. If happiness could be bought, we'd probably be unhappy at the price tag. Saying yes to a child is like blowing up a balloon -- you have to know when to stop. To talk goodness is not good ... only to do it is. It takes two to make a quarrel -- and the same number to get married. Ability is what will help you get to the top if the boss has no daughter. A beautiful bird -- the only kind we cage. One generation plants the trees -- another get the shade. A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it is committing another mistake. Happiness is greater than money because folks enjoy it with you instead of figuring out a way to get it away from you. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. The loftiest towers rise from the ground. What the superior man seeks is within himself; what the mean man seeks is in others. There are many paths to the top of a mountain but the view is always the same. Beat your child once a day. If you don't know why, he does. Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it. They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom. The best way to get a woman's undivided attention is to tell her something that is none of her business. Many a man is in the doghouse for biting off more than he can chew. It's no use trying to understand a woman. Even if you could, you wouldn't believe it. Information is the one resource that increases in value each time it is used. Happiness for a parent comes not in saying "I told you so," but from being in the position of not being able to say "I told you so." -- Don Daniels Asked what he thought of Western civilization, M.K. Gandhi said, "I think it would be an excellent idea". Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. -- Georg Lichtenberg The dispensing of injustice is always in the right hands. -- Stanislaus Lec Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by misguided sense of humor. The elusive, redeeming paradox of American democracy is that people are made powerful, despite all the political obstacles, when they come together and decide that they can be powerful. -- William Greider, "Who Will Tell the People" However brave and resourceful they may be, Americans cannot teach democracy to the world until they restore their own. -- William Greider, "Who Will Tell the People" [Power corrupts;] Powerlessness also corrupts. -- William Greider, "Who Will Tell the People" The power of citizens in a democracy atrophies when they no longer believe in it. -- William Greider, "Who Will Tell the People" Only ignorance is invincible. Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. -- Carl Jung Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -Albert Einstein Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half consists of people who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. -- Robert Frost A woman in any situation is an incalculable factor. -- James Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. -- Eric Hoffer A society when it becomes soft and tender takes sides with those who harm it. -- Nietzsche The best response to a cruel, mean-spirited attack is silence. Let it stand, unanswered, naked, where all can witness its ugliness. -- Ann Landers' "Gem of the Day" Better to conquer hearts than citadels. -- Nguyen Trai [Vietnamese poet/strategist, circa 1420] Every man on earth ought to accomplish some great enterprise so that he leaves the sweet scent of his name to later generations. -- Le Loi [Viet Nam's greatest emperor, circa 1420] The problem with real life, is that there's no Reset button. -- Donald E. Westlake, "Drowned Hopes" Specific Rule of the game of Real Life: The tape of real life plays only once. There are no corrections or adjustments. Defeat is irreversible. -- Donald E. Westlake, "Drowned Hopes" The only thing you can surely change about another person is your own attitude. If you would have peace, work for justice. -- Pope Paul VI All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. Time is nothing; timing is all. The only way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run. --Cary Grant It takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to make it fail. The test of a democracy is if it can recognize truth before it gets hit in the face by it. When in doubt, duck. -- Malcolm Forbes Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. -- Kin Hubbard Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. -- A.H. Weiler You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. -- Mark Twain Television is democracy at its ugliest. -- Paddy Chayevsky It is in the ability to deceive oneself that the greatest talent is shown. -- Anatole France A citizen can hardly distinguish between a tax and a fine, except that a fine is generally much lighter. -- G.K. Chesterson No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood. -- Anonymous Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. -- General George S. Patton Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal. -- Albert Einstein The man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfortunate, but almost disqualified for life. -- Albert Einstein Human beings are the only animals of which I am thoroughly and cravenly afraid. -- George Bernard Shaw Power doesn't corrupt people, people corrupt power. -- William Gaddis All animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. -- Samuel Butler A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -- Josh Billings Genius is perseverance in disguise. -- Mike Newlin The greater the number of laws and enactments, the more thieves and robbers there will be. -- Lao-tzu (604-531 B.C.) Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. -- Mary Ellen Kelly The truth is more important than the facts. -- Frank Lloyd Wright There is only one thing that can keep growing without nourishment: The human ego. -- Marshall Lumsden Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. -- William Jennings Bryan When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, "Ours." -- Vine Deloria, Jr. In my opinion, we are in danger of developing a cult of the Common Man, which means a cult of mediocrity. -- Herbert Hoover One man with courage makes it a majority. -- Andrew Jackson No man would listen to you if he didn't know it was his turn next. -- Ed Howe It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. -- Benjamin Disraeli In American, an hour is about 40 minutes. -- German Saying You can't use tact with a Congressman. A congressman is a hog. You must take a stick and hit him on the snout. -- Henry Adams If you pick up a dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain Silence is argument carried on by other means. -- Ernesto "Che" Guevara There are only two ways of telling the complete truth: Anonymously and posthumously. -- Thomas Sowell No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched. -- George Hean Nathan Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. -- Will Rogers The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective. -- Al Neuharth The taxpayer: Someone who works for the government but doesn't have to take a civil service examination. -- Ronald Reagan An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. -- Dylan Thomas If you took all the economists in the world and laid them end-to-end, it would be a pretty good idea. -- Anonymous Blessed are they who have nothing to say, and who cannot be persuaded to say it. -- James Russell Lowell The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. -- Edmund Burke (attributed) Your representative owes you, not his industry only, but his judgment; and he betrays instead of serving you if he sacrifices it to your opinion. -- Edmund Burke There is, however, a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue. -- Edmund Burke Vice itself lost half its evil, by losing all its grossness. -- Edmund Burke The best revenge is to live long enough to be a problem to your children. -- Unknown Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. -- Steve Rubenstein Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment. -- Mark Twain The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. -- Ogden Nash It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. -- George Bernard Shaw It is the mark of the cultured man that he is aware of the fact that equality is an ethical and not a biological principle. -- Ashley Montagu Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. -- H. L. Mencken Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. -- Alexander Pope I'm immortal... so far. -- Earle Robinson It is more fun contemplating someone else's navel than your own. -- Arthur Hoppe (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes. A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Ghandi A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. -- Don Quinn A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. -- Bill Vaughan A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. -- Edgar A. Shoaff A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Winston Churchill A fool must now and then be right by chance. DEFINITION Fascicle - noun. a. ... b. An inflorescence consisting of a compacted cyme less capitate than a glomerule. -- Webster's Collegiate Dictionary A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package. A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry. Adore, v.: To venerate expectantly. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way. Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something. Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out. Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. -- Clive James Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation. Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation. -- Johnny Hart Dare to be naive. -- R. Buckminster Fuller Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. -- G. B. Shaw Ducharme's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. -- Will Rogers Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. -- Dykstra Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. -- Olivier Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. He who Laughs, Lasts. Hindsight is an exact science. Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. -- W. C. Fields Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. -- Ronald Mabbitt I doubt, therefore I might be. I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. -- Gotama Buddha If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're the sucker. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -- Martin Luther King, Jr. Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure. It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. -- Alfred Adler Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it. Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before. Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Goethe Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. -- Lily Tomlin Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Wernher von Braun Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. -- Samuel Butler Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence. Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing. Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. -- Abraham Lincoln Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce his name correctly (Ni-klows Virt), Americans invariably mangle it into (Nick-les Worth). Which is to say that Europeans call him by name, but Americans call him by value. No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid. Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up. Nothing recedes like success. -- Walter Winchell Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. -- Trotsky Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer. One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future. People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. -- Ken Kesey Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis --Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it. Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth. Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off of the TV screen. --Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand. Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies. Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else. Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur. Spouse, n.: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood. Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head. Talkers are no good doers. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI" The Consultant's Curse: When the customer has beaten upon you long enough, give him what he asks for, instead of what he needs. This is very strong medicine, and is normally only required once. The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. -- P. Medawar The idea is to die young as late as possible. -- Ashley Montagu The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own. -- H.G. Wells The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train. The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. -- Alan Ashley-Pitt The more things change, the more they stay insane. The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right. The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment. -- Theodore H. White The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..." -- Isaac Asimov The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. -- Oscar Wilde The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history. -- Hegel The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -- George Bernard Shaw The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. -- Mark Twain The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about. There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes. There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate. This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go. Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. -- H. L. Mencken USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top" Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin Virtue is its own punishment. War hath no fury like a non-combatant. -- Charles Edward Montague Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. -- John F. Kennedy We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have. Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library. What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance? What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it. -- Clarence Darrow When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws. When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. -- Thomas Paine Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position. While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their correctness never does. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. -- Booker T. Washington You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd. You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today. You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. -- Charles A. Beard You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. -- Olin Miller. You're never too old to become younger. -- Mae West Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret. Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. Precipitous Action: Something you do when you're all wet. -- Don Daniels You should treat each new day as a gift - that's why it's called "The Present". -- "Ziggy" When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. -- Edmund Burke, "Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontent" Vice itself lost half its evil by losing all its grossness. -- Edmund Burke, "Reflections on the Revolution in France" Making a person wrong is the worst thing we do -- and we do it all the time. -- Karl Schinke I, however, place economy among the first and most important of republican virtues, and public debt as the greatest of dangers to be feared. -- Thomas Jefferson Never spend your money before you have it. -- Thomas Jefferson Wedlock is a padlock. -- James J. Ray Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price. -- Alan Sherman, "Good Advice" War, organized war, is not a human instinct; it is a highly planned and cooperative form of theft. -- Jacob Bronowsky, "The Ascent of Man", BBC Documentary You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her think. -- Don Daniels Strive for excellence, not perfection. The value of a gift should be measured by the giving, not the receiving; note that we don't call them "receipts". -- Don Daniels We must either find a way or make one. -- Hannibal You either make dust or you eat dust. There are no gains without pains. -- Benjamin Franklin A man is literally what he thinks. -- Allen One joy dispels a hundred cares. -- Confucius Lost time is never found again. -- Aughey Victory belongs to the most persevering. -- Napoleon Plough deep while sluggards sleep. -- Franklin The ripest peach is highest on the tree. -- Riley Procrastination is the thief of time. -- Young He conquers who endures. Eighty percent of success is showing up. -- Allen In every adversity there lies the seed of an equivalent advantage. In every defeat there is a lesson showing you how to win the victory the next time. -- Robert Collier Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work so most people don't recognize them. -- Ann Landers Security is mostly a superstition; it does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. -- Helen Keller No one can cheat you out of ultimate success but yourselves. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson Those who aim at great deeds must suffer greatly. -- Crassus Climb high, climb far, Your goal the sky, your aim the star. -- Anonymous The strongest of all warriors are these two: Time and Patience. -- Leo Tolstoi You'll learn more about a road by traveling it. There is no failure except in no longer trying. -- Hubbard The strong do what they will... The weak do what they must. -- Thucydides All your strength is in your union... All your danger is in discord. -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Talent is God given - Be Humble Fame is man given - Be Thankful Conceit is self given - Be Careful -- John Wooden I'm a great believer in luck. And I find the harder I work, the more I have of it. -- Thomas Jefferson To keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil into it. -- Mother Teresa Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. -- William Shakespeare Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out. -- Robert Collier If we do what is necessary, all the odds are in our favor. -- Henry Kissinger In some attempts, it is glorious even to fail. -- Longinus He who is firm in will molds the will to himself. -- Goethe Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. -- Theodore Roosevelt Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat the luckier you get. -- Ray A. Kroc Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is. A wise man turns chance into good fortune. -- Thomas Fuller There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly. -- Terence No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; No gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. -- William Penn The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. -- John F. Kennedy Courage is resistance to fear, not absence of fear. -- Mark Twain It's not whether you get knocked down... It's whether you get up again. -- Vince Lombardi When you get right down to the root of the meaning of the word "succeed" you find it simply means to follow through. -- F. W. Nichol The beginning is the most important part of the work. -- Plato A man is not finished when he is defeated, he's finished when he quits. -- Richard M. Nixon Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. -- Henry Ford To be a success in business be daring, be first, be different. -- Henry Marchant (1789) The will to do springs from the knowledge that we can do. -- James Allen Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. -- Samuel Johnson If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true is really true, there would be little hope of advance. -- Orville Wright No man ever achieved worth-while success who did not, at one time or another, find himself with at least one foot hanging well over the brink of failure. -- Napoleon Hill No one knows what he can do until he tries. -- Publilius Syrus Maxim No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking. -- Voltaire I do the very best I know how, the very best I can... And I mean to keep doing so until the end. -- Abraham Lincoln Plan your work for today and every day. Then work your plan. -- Norman Vincent Peale Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again. -- Henry Ford Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. -- Jonathan Swift What the mind of man can conceive and believe, the mind of man can achieve. -- Napoleon Hill The secret of success in life is for man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes. -- Benjamin Disraeli In the long run men hit only what they aim at. -- Henry David Thoreau Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. -- Thomas A. Edison Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. -- Confucius Always do more than is required of you. -- George S. Patton Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. -- Walter Begehot Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory. -- Mohandas Gandhi I will prepare and some day my chance will come. -- Abraham Lincoln You can't change the direction of the wind... But you can change the sail. Opportunities come from knocking doors until they open. Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right. -- Henry Ford Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Why is it that government incentives for the rich mean giving them MORE, while incentives for the poor mean giving them LESS? Corollary to Murphy's Law -- Anything that can go RIGHT, will go wrong. For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Happy are those who renounce everything that places a strain on their conscience. If you don't enjoy what you have now, how could you be happier with more? He who forgets the language of gratitude can never be on speaking terms with happiness. Happiness is a healthy mental attitude, a grateful spirit, a clear conscience, and a heart full of love. Those who continually search for happiness will never find it. Happiness is made, not found. A small house will hold as much happiness as a big one. Happiness is home-brewed. Happiness is like living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation. Happiness is like the common cold -- it's catching! It isn't your position that makes you happy or unhappy. Its your disposition that does. If you cannot find happiness along the way, you will not find it at the end of the road. Happiness is not something you have in your hands; it's something you carry in your heart. Some pursue happiness -- others create it. Keep your happiness in circulation. Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances. Happiness does not come from what you have, but from what you are. The secret of happiness is to count your blessings, not to add up your troubles. The place to be happy is here and the time to be happy is now. You will be happier if you give people a piece of your heart rather than a piece of advice. People are generally about as happy as they have made up their minds to be. Happiness is within us, but it does not get there by itself. Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. The really happy person is the one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others. When happiness gets into your system, it is bound to break out on your face. Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full. -- Earl Wilson If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey. -- Earl Wilson If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments. -- Earl Wilson A computer expert reveals that it would take a hundred clerks working for a hundred years to make a mistake as monumental as a single computer can make in 1/1000th of second. It only took the movies fifty years to go from silent to unspeakable. Definition of a committee: A group of the unwilling, picked by the unfit, to do the unnecessary. It's lonely at the top but you eat better. Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats. The real test of a polite person is to have the same ailment as the other person is describing and not mention it. No one can make you feel more humble than the repairman who discovers you've been trying to fix it yourself. It's hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys. We must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it; but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Every man is a potential genius until he does something. -- Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. -- Mark Twain The good wife gives her man both the sense of complete freedom and the inducement to stay under her thumb. -- Don Daniels The difference between rape and rapture is salesmanship. You get more with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone. -- Al Capone Everyone has a game plan, until they get punched in the mouth. -- Mike Tyson The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood... At the best, he knows the triumph of high achievement; if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat. -- Theodore Roosevelt Don't expect to get the answers you truly need if you don't ask the right questions. Start with yourself. -- Don Daniels DEFINITION Wife - noun. Someone who, when you want a brown recliner, buys you a white love seat -- and then complains when you get it dirty. -- Don Daniels The Happiness Paradox: The more you give it away, the more you get it. -- Don Daniels If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. The law of Probability Dispersal decrees that whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Happiness is merely the absence of pain. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. If you can't be kind, be vague. Indecision is the key to flexibility. Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind then it really doesn't matter. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. If your feet smell and your nose runs - you are built upside down. The difference between picnic and panic is 28 days. Only misers love money. The rest of us love what it will buy. An optimist is the husband who goes down to the marriage bureau to see if his licence has expired. Friend of ours says he's read so much about the terrible effects of smoking that he's decided to give up reading. Good things come to those who wait, but only the things left over by those who hustle. -- Abraham Lincoln If you wish to know what a man is, place him in authority. One can stand still in a flowing stream but not in the world of men. -- Japanese proverb A clear statement is the strongest argument. -- English proverb Everyone is guaranteed the right to free speech - as long as no one has to listen. Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence. -- Hebrew Saying Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. A brain is as strong as its weakest think. If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of advice. Intelligence is knowing the difference between temptation and opportunity. It's easier to have the vigour of youth when you're old than to have the wisdom of age when you're young. Too many people who pride themselves on their good memory, remember things that are best forgotten. The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgment. It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won. A woman without a man is like a neck without a pain. None is so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. A wise man hears one word and understands two. -- Jewish Proverb All things are to be examined and called into question. There are no limits set on thought. The secret of patience is doing something else in the meantime. Any law enacted that has more than 50 words contains at least one loophole. All government programs have three things in common: a beginning, a muddle, and no end. Those who lose dreaming are lost. -- Australian Aboriginal Proverb A good deed is the best prayer. There is no bad beer. Some kinds are better than others. -- German wisdom When the house of a neighbour is on fire, your own is in danger. Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. -- Italian Proverb The man who will not admit he's been wrong loves himself more than he loves the truth. A person's judgment is no better than his information. Prejudice is ignorance matured. Only one thing is certain--that is, nothing is certain. If this statement is true, it is also false. The acid test of intelligence is its ability to cope with stupidity. You start growing up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself. The shortest answer is doing the thing. Diplomacy is the art of jumping into troubled waters without making a splash. A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not the reason for which ships are built. Learn from the mistakes of others - you can never live long enough to make them all yourself. Education is what you get from reading the fine print; experience is what you get from not reading it. Flattery is like perfume; it should be smelled, not swallowed. There is no satisfactory substitute for brains, but in some cases silence does pretty well. To lose is to learn. Everything passes; everything wears out; everything breaks. -- French Proverb Man cannot discover new oceans until he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. Beware the fury of a patient man. National sovereignty is the worst idea humanity ever had. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores. The man who speaks the truth is always at ease. -- Persian Proverb Absence makes the heart go wander. O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds. -- Scotch Prayer Integrity is being conscientious even when nobody is around. Writing is nature's way of letting you know how sloppy your thinking is. The future comes one day at a time. -- Dean Acheson A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. -- Dean Acheson And say not thou "My country right or wrong," nor shed thy blood for an unhallowed cause. -- John Quincy Adams An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured. -- Konrad Adenauer History is important. If you don't know where you have been, you damned sure don't know where you are going. -- Carl Ajello Proverbs are mental gems gathered in the diamond districts of our minds. -- W.R. Alger Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen You come to that moment in time when you can make a choice - which is every moment. -- Linda Hughes Allen Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out. Katz's Law -- Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted. Harrison's Postulate -- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. -- Oscar Wilde If everything's under control, you're going too slow. -- Mario Andretti Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. -- Saint Augustine I must study politics and war so that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy ... in order to give their children the right to study painting, poetry, and music. -- John Adams War does not determine who is right; war determines who is left. -- Alleged Chinese Proverb Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. -- Alleged Chinese Proverb Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. -- Alleged Chinese Proverb Elmer Davis, WWII Information Director, on America -- This will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. The most important truths are likely to be those which society at that time least wants to hear. -- W. H. Auden Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? Amateurs built the ark .... Professionals built the Titanic. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -- Thomas Alva Edison It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. -- John Andrew Holmes When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained. -- Edward R. Murrow Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of them. -- Epictetus Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. -- Anonymous Fools rush in where fools have been before. -- Anonymous Light travels faster than sound. That's why most people seem bright until you hear them speak. -- Anonymous Life's tough. It's tougher if you are stupid. -- Anonymous It's not easy being stupid.... Some people have been practicing all their lives! -- Anonymous Stupidity is the basic building block of the universe. -- Anonymous The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so. -- Josh Billings Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. -- Confucius Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -- Albert Einstein Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides, The Bacchae, circa 407 B.C. Four little words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more. They did all that was expected of them and a little bit more. -- A. Lou Vickery Judge a boy by his relatives; judge a youth by his friends; judge a man by his wife; judge no one by his children. -- Marilyn vos Savant No good deed shall go unpunished. -- Ann Landers [attributed] We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. -- General Omar Bradley Life - it doesn't HAVE to make sense... The world is not interested in how many storms you survived, only that the ship arrived. What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us, what we have done for others remains and is immortal. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. -- George Carlin The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. --Mahatma Gandhi The smaller you are, the shorter your horizon. Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. Upon the plains of hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions, who when on the dawn of victory paused to rest, and there resting died. -- John Dretschmer To be right, you must remain willing to be wrong, and to change. -- Don Daniels A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. -- Lana Turner The Wright Brothers weren't the first to fly. They were just the first not to crash. After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box. -- Italian proverb Better to have loved a short girl, than never to have loved a tall. Being right too soon is socially unacceptable. Being average is being the best of the worst, or the worst of the best. The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. -- James Baldwin Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. -- Joseph Campbell Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Let me do and I understand. -- Confucius You don't stick a knife in a man's back nine inches and then pull it out six inches and say you are making progress. -- Malcolm X After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. -- P.J. O'Rourke I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone. -- Bill Cosby He that would have fruit must climb the tree. -- Quoted By Red Wings' Coach Dave Lewis during Stanley Cup Playoffs He that has gone so far as to cut the claws of the lion will not feel quite secure until he has also drawn his teeth. -- Quoted By Red Wings' Coach Dave Lewis during Stanley Cup Playoffs No pain, no pleasure. No thorns, no throne. No gall, no glory. No cross, no crown. -- On Red Wings' bulletin board during Stanley Cup Playoffs So, if a man is all alone in the middle of the woods and he says something with no woman there to hear it, is he still wrong? You will never get to the end of the journey if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks. -- Winston Churchill It is not the going out of port, but the coming in that determines the success of a voyage. -- Quoted By Red Wings' Coach Dave Lewis during Stanley Cup Playoffs A successful man is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. First get the facts, then distort. --Mark Twain A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. -- Chinese Fortune Cookie Ridicule is more powerful than all the arguments in the world. -- Frederick the Great [as written to Voltaire] The consequences arising from the continual accumulation of public debts in other countries ought to admonish us to be careful to prevent their growth in our own. -- President John Adams, November 22, 1797 Might doesn't make right, it just makes rules. -- KAZ Vorpal A generation which ignores history has no past--and no future. --Lazarus Long You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once. --Lazarus Long We learn from history that we do not learn from history. --Hegel When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free. --Charles Evans Hughes No pain equals that of an injury inflicted under the pretense of a just punishment. --Horace of Spain If a politician found he had cannibals in his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. --H.L.Mencken A woman tries to get all she can out of a man, and a man tries to get all he can into a woman. --Isaac Goldberg Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. -- Lillian Hellman Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. -- H. G. Wells If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. -- Abraham Maslow Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples' habits. -- Mark Twain The budget should be balanced, the treasury refilled, public debt reduced, the arrogance of officialdom tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt. -- Cicero What has always made the state a hell on earth has been precisely that man has tried to make it his heaven. -- F. Hoelderlin The real community of man, in the midst of all the self-contradictory simulacra of community, is the community of those who seek the truth. -- Alan Bloom We don't have a trillion-dollar debt because we haven't taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt because we spend too much. -- Ronald Reagan To silence criticism is to silence freedom. -- Sidney Hook The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. -- Daniel Patrick Moynihan Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J.O'Roarke If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J.O'Roarke The people who would surrender their liberties for a little short term peace, deserve neither peace nor liberty. -- Benjamin Franklin The great masses of the people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one. -- Adolf Hitler Fear is the foundation of most governments. -- John Adams The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent. -- Mell Lazarus Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. -- Nietzsche One ship drives east and another drives west With the selfsame winds that blow. 'Tis the set of the sails and not the gales Which tells us the way to go. -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox At Microsoft, Quality is Job One ..... point one. There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. -- George Santayana If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. -- Laurence J. Peter I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of. -- Michel de Montaigne Life can only be understood backward; but it must be lived forwards. -- Soren Kierkegaard The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. -- Samuel Johnson The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers. --Sydney J. Harris Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Absence extinguishes small passions and increases great ones, as the wind will blow out a candle, and blow in a fire. -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. -- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children. -- Mark Twain I never give them hell. I just tell the truth, and they think it is hell. -- Harry Truman You should have thought of all this before you were born. -- N.F. Simpson The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously. -- Hubert Humphrey Abstract art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. -- Al Capp This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in. -- Theodore Roosevelt The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. -- Bishop W.C. Magee The nobler a man, the harder it is for him to suspect inferiority in others. -- Marcus Tullius Cicero Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. -- Henri Bergson The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out. -- Chinese Proverb In America the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience. -- Oscar Wilde Moderation in all things including moderation. To be truly moderate, you must be extreme in some things. -- Valerie Whitcomb The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast. -- Oscar Wilde Thinking is easy, acting is difficult. To put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world. --Goethe Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. -- Oscar Wilde Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. -- A. Whitney Brown Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? -- Lily Tomlin Have you ever noticed, anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? -- George Carlin A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out. -- Chinese fortune cookie Excellence is not a sometime thing. -- Vince Lombardi No good deed shall go unpunished. -- Ann Landers Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it. -- Quoted By Red Wings' Coach Dave Lewis during Stanley Cup Playoffs The secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings. -- Dave Weinbaum Integrity is doing the right thing, even if no one is watching. -- Jim Stovall No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut. -- Sam Rayburn Life is full of obstacle illusions. -- Grant Frazier It isn't a mistake to have strong views. The mistake is to have nothing else. -- Anthony Weston They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. -- Andy Warhol Character -- the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life -- is the source from which self-respect springs. -- Joan Didion We have just enough religion to makes us hate, but not enough to make us love. -- Jonathan Swift Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people; -- Eleanor Roosevelt (attributed) He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all. -- Eleanor Roosevelt (attributed) Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. -- Eleanor Roosevelt There are many ways to say "I love you." Sometimes, "Yes" isn't one of them. -- Don Daniels To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society. -- Theodore Roosevelt As long as you live, keep learning how to live. -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65) Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." -- May Angelou I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. -- May Angelou I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- May Angelou Take risks. Not to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping. I truly believe that at times like this, silence is not golden. It is yellow. -- Senator Zell Miller It truly is not satisfying to be proven right -- if you didn't want that result in the first place. -- Don Daniels Generally speaking, to change the world for the better, one should start with oneself. After all, that's the one area over which one should have the most control. -- Don Daniels Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind. Be sure to expose yourself to criticism; a fine polish requires an abrasive. -- Marilyn vos Savant Hope inspires the good to reveal itself. -- Emily Dickinson Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. -- John F. Kennedy The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature But plunges him more deeply into them. -- Antoine de Saint-Exup‚ry, "Wind Sand and Stars" We are all born mad. Some remain so. -- Samuel Beckett The most beautiful thing one can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this reaction is a stranger - who can no longer pause to wonder and stand in rapt awe - is as good as dead, his eyes are closed. -- Albert Einstein Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. He who angers you, controls you! Peace starts with a smile. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works. -- Will Rogers Never miss a good chance to shut up. -- Will Rogers Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. -- Will Rogers The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. -- Will Rogers Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. -- Will Rogers I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. -- Will Rogers One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. -- Will Rogers One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. -- Will Rogers If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. -- Will Rogers Some big truths started as little gossips. Truth hurts only those who protect themselves with lies. The unattractive thing about reality is that we have to share it with so many others. When the silent majority opens its mouth it is usually to yawn. God gives - the Treasury takes. -- Gerd de Ley It is difficult to swim in the gutter. -- Gerd de Ley There are three kinds of men: those who are preceded by their shadow, those who are pursued by it, and those who have never seen the sun. -- Gerd de Ley Hold fast to your dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. --L. Hughes By adornment, one acknowledges his ugliness. -- Kahlil Gibran Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. -- Bumper Sticker I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said, "Implants?" She hit me. -- Bumper Sticker I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast. -- Bumper Sticker I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. -- Bumper Sticker I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. -- Bumper Sticker Never argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. -- Bumper Sticker Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. -- Bumper Sticker Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? -- Bumper Sticker If you can read this, thank a teacher.... and since it's in English, thank a soldier. -- Bumper Sticker I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied. -- John Masefield, "Sea-Fever" Annapolis - a drinking town with a sailing problem. Earth is the insane asylum of the universe. My wife comes with instructions -- lots of instructions. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. --Steven Wright The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. --Steven Wright Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. --Steven Wright Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now --Steven Wright Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. --Steven Wright The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. --Steven Wright A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class. I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it. I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. -- Ronald Reagan The American Constitution is a document that protects the people from government. -- Ronald Reagan The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. -- Ronald Reagan I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandment's would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress. -- Ronald Reagan The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program. -- Ronald Reagan Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. --Voltaire Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. --Mark Twain The way to see by faith is to close the eye of reason. -- Benjamin Franklin The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion. -- Thomas Paine The young have discovered the cruelest of all truths: that the most effective way of punishing their parents is to imitate them. -- John LeCarre "A Small Town in Germany" The opposite of love isn't hate; it's apathy. -- John LeCarre "A Small Town in Germany" History repeats itself, but the first time it is tragedy, the second time it is comedy. -- John LeCarre "A Small Town in Germany" All the world's a stage, and I don't have a speaking part. -- Bunny Hoest and John Reiner, "The Lockhorns" At some point in life, the promise of tomorrow becomes the threat of tomorrow. -- Don Daniels There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. -- Henry Van Dyke Gold dust and silver dust may have great monetary value, but nothing can ever grow in them. It is the lowly earth that provides life- sustaining food. So it is with people: It is not the "glittery'' people but rather the humble that sustain the world. -- JewishWorldReview.com There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men. -- Edmund Burke Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. --Isaac Asimov The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. --Margo Kaufman Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. --Martin Fraquhar Tupper The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. -- Mark Twain Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have. -- H. Jackson Brown Jr. Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. -- Suzanne Necker If you would stand well with a great mind, leave him with a favorable impression of yourself; if with a little mind, leave him with a favorable impression of himself. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. -- Ken Hakuta It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. -- Agnes Repplier If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. -- Robert X. Cringely A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. -- Dave Meurer Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. -- Arthur Schopenhauer The truth is more important than the facts. -- Frank Lloyd Wright It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right. -- Friedrich Nietzsche If the truth doesn't save us, what does that say about us? -- Lois McMaster Bujold Nothing is so good for an ignorant man as silence; and if he was sensible of this he would not be ignorant. -- Saadi He has the right to critisize, who has the heart to help. -- Abraham Lincoln If you want to be loved, love and be lovable. -- Benjamin Franklin Try to learn something about everything and everything about something. -- Thomas H. Huxley If you want to catch something, running after it isn't always the best way. -- Lois McMaster Bujold I am not young enough to know everything. -- Oscar Wilde It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. -- Peter Ustinov Better to be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own. -- Aesop When you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have. -- Kathleen A. Sutton The sea, like a mirror, is where a man finds himself. -- Ishmael, MOBY DICK The Sail -- the play of its pulse so like our own lives: so thin and yet so full of life, so noiseless when it labors hardest, so noisy and impatient when least effective. -- Henry David Thoreau To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice. -- Confucius A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a brief. -- Franz Kafka A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. -- Laurence J. Peter A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children. It may be that those who do most, dream most. -- Stephen Leacock The more we sweat in peace, the less we bleed in war. -- Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. -- Theodore Roosevelt Learn to write your hurts in sand and carve your blessings in stone. Blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape. Corollary to "Still waters run deep": Babbling brooks tend to be very shallow. -- Don Daniels You have to care as much about yourself on the way down as you did on the way up. -- Mitch Albom, "For One More Day" Sticking with your family is what *makes* it a family. -- Mitch Albom, "For One More Day" Wherever we want to go, we'll go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs; but what a ship *is* ... is freedom. -- Capt. Jack Sparrow Regardless of how old you become you still remain as young as you will ever be. What really matters is not the color of one's skin, but the color of one's heart. Something in man requires an enemy. Something in mankind demands a hostile balance of power. Without one, things fall apart. -- Joseph Heller, "God Knows" Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility. -- Dietrich Bonhoeffer Putting problems into perspective is the first step in finding their vanishing point. -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy") The smaller the mind the greater the ego. Beware the fury of a patient man. -- John Dryden There's one thing worse than being alone: wishing you were. -- Bob Steele What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are. --Edgar Z. Friedenberg To have doubted one's own first principles is the mark of a civilized man. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemies. -- Roderick Thorp, "Rainbow Drive" We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Lack of something to feel important about is almost the greatest tragedy a man may have. Arthur E. Morgan A man can't ride your back unless it's bent. -- Martin Luther King He turns not back who is bound by a star. -- Leonardo Da Vinci Hold fast to dreams / For if dreams die, Life is a broken-winged bird / That cannot fly. -- Langston Hughes, "The Dream Keeper and Other Poems" Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. -- C. Archie Danielson There's nothing worse than being a doer with nothing to do. --Elizabeth Layton The most important things in life ... aren't things. To have more, desire less. -- "Table Talk" The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress. -- John Adams If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994) Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850) In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764) Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.) No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866) Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903) There is no distinctly native American criminal class-- save Congress. -- Mark Twain What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995) The biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats is the spelling. The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war. Freedom isn't free. The heart that gives, gathers. -- Marianne Moore Change your thoughts and change your world. -- Norman Vincent Peale If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. Burn brightly without burning out -- Richard Biggs Nothing happens... but first a dream. -- Carl Sandburg It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life... that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction. Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow. -- Norman Vincent Peale Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a small voice at the end of the day, saying... "I will try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher Laughter is an instant vacation. -- Milton Berle The best sermons are lived, not preached. -- Cowboy wisdom. Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. -- Robert Brault Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. -- Mother Teresa -- Erodius: "Heaven protect us from what men do in the name of good." ... and God. A fool's voice is known by multitude of words. -- Ecclesiastes 5:30 If everbody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. -- George Patton Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. -- Lao Tzu Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. -- Langston Hughes Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment. -- Napolean Bonaparte He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know. -- Lao Tzu Th-th-that's all, f-f-folks! -- Porky Pig